The Cage O’Meter

Many of the posts on this site will simply be movie reviews, but instead of judging quality, we will be judging our bad movie experience. Was it funny? Was it boring? Was it poorly acted? Was it low-budget?

We will tell you how much fun we had with each film using our scientific method known as the Cage O’Meter. We will rank the dumpster fires by giving them “Cages.” It works like the star system: one Cage out of five, two Cages out of five, etc. Three Cages means its a bad movie worth roasting. Four Cages means the film is a LOT of fun. You will rarely see us handing out a five-Cage film. That ranking is reserved for bad movies that achieve PERFECTION.

birth-control-jpeg

 
 One Cage represents the absolute worst of the worst; No redeeming qualities whatsoever are present

birth-control-jpegbirth-control-jpeg

Two Cages are reserved for films that are still pretty terrible, but don’t quite suck all the happiness out of the room, just most of it.

birth-control-jpeg birth-control-jpeg birth-control-jpeg

Three Cages are for middling-level bad movies. They usually have something worthwhile for at least a good chunk of them, but don’t fool yourself; you still might want to drink while you watch.

birth-control-jpeg birth-control-jpeg birth-control-jpeg birth-control-jpeg

Four Cages is pretty uncommon; However, if you see a film with this rating, you might be in for a treat (Of course, it’s still a bad movie).

birth-control-jpeg birth-control-jpeg birth-control-jpeg birth-control-jpeg birth-control-jpeg

Five Cages are only for the best of the worst; the so-called ‘So-bad-they’re-good’ movies. The gold standard deserving of nothing less than the full manic energy of a zany Nic Cage