Top 10 ‘Samurai Cop’ lines

You probably hoped we were done with “Samurai Cop,” but sorry, we’re not. Today, we focus on the incredible and often dumbfounding language used in the film. From complete cliche to total nonsense, the quotes of ‘Samurai Cop’ are some of the best in the big, bad movie world. The mispronounced and poorly spoken adventures…

‘Samurai Cop II: Deadly Vengance’ (yes, they made a sequel)

“Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengence” is hard evidence that when a filmmaker specifically intends to make a bad movie, its bad, but often in a very unenjoyable way. Even if Tommy Wiseau is involved. Woven from just over $60,000 raised from a Kickstarter project (and possibly some other funds), this sort-of-at-best anticipated sequel is confusing,…

‘Assassin’s Creed’: our review

Finally a good videogame movie, right? Please?! The very fact that we’re reviewing the movie on this blog should tip you off. No, “Assassin’s Creed” wasn’t a good movie; it’s just the latest entry in the pantheon of poorly made movie adaptations of video games. And, unlike the rest of the movies we’ve reviewed here,…

‘Samurai Cop’: a magical misfire

“Samurai Cop” is not your average bad movie. The horrible quotes, shoddy filmmaking and laughable dynamics easily launch the film into bad movie canon, alongside disasterpieces like “The Room.” First and foremost, the film is terrible. Bad acting, horrible dialogue, cringe-worthy audio and tired jokes run free and without worry through the movie’s duration. Yet,…

‘Cowboys Vs. Dinosaurs’: a prehistoric shootout

Well, with a premise like this, what more could we expect? “Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs” is a movie about, well, cowboys batteling dinosaurs. How, you may ask, did these dinosaurs come about these cowboys?” Well, from an underground Iridium mine of course! And once released from thier subterrainian prison, these CG monsters are out for only…

Rough Ones: let’s talk about the ‘Star Wars’ prequels

To celebrate the release of “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” we’ve decided to pay homage to the space adventure franchise’s footprint in our beloved world of bad movies: the prequels. Back in the late 90s, George Lucas and what I would assume to be a crew of CGI assistants set out to tell the…

‘Plan 9 from Outer Space’: Ed Wood’s golden turkey

What do you get when you combine a severe lack of talent, a shoestring budget and a penchant for hubcaps? Why, you get one of the cinema’s most infamous and terrible (but delightful) creations, of course. “Plan 9 from Outer Space” (1959), or, as the narrator erroneously calls it, “Grave Robbers from Outer Space,” is an…

‘Reefer Madness’: roll at your own risk

This movie just reinforces commonly known truths. Smoking marijuana will cause you to dance to fast piano jazz, become a sexual monster and ultimately commit murder. Well, maybe not, but a film about a bunch of teens staring at a Pringles can wouldn’t be very interesting. Before we watched “Reefer Madness” for the first time,…

‘Batman & Robin’: the top 10 moments

Most millennials out there at least vaguely remember the lovably deplorable “Batman & Robin” (1997). From the outlandish characters, to the stupid quip/pun overload, to Ah’nuld to Alicia Silverstone, Joel Schumacher’s sequel to “Batman Forever” is really, really bad. Val Kilmer tags George Clooney, who portrays a very bored and cocky Bruce Wayne/Batman. Along with…

‘The Room’: the ‘Citizen Kane’ of bad movies

“The Room” has the worst dialogue, worst acting, worst writing, worst cinematography, worst costumes, worst set pieces, worst story and worst props possibly ever seen on the silver screen. And yet, the experience is unlike anything else you will ever know in this realm. That is perhaps because “The Room” (2003) runs much like a…

‘Batman Forever’: the peak of the 90s

Any time Seal is on the soundtrack, you know you have a winner. “Batman Forever” (1995)  was difficult to process as a bad movie, as it was my everything in about 1999. I’ll never forget the wrinkled and warn VHS case that housed my favorite movie. I watched it so many times I still have…

‘FDR: American Badass’ (a revisionist history)

During this bitter and turbulent election night, we need to remember a simpler time. Let’s venture back to the 1940s, when a pack of polio-spreading werewolves formed the axis of evil, and our president Franklin Delano Roosevelt was really a complete and utter badass with a pimped-out, fully-automatic wheelchair called the “Delano 2000.” Are we…