This will not be one of those reviews arguing a winding point-of-view, complete with peaks, valleys and interesting surprises. This film is trash from front to back, not remotely interesting and not worth anyone’s time.
The review will probably follow suit (but we’ll oblige anyway).
“Transformers: The Last Knight” was made by a man who could probably make a decent film if he wanted to. But, he’s lazy, and reliant on an A-plus special effects arsenal executed in a D-minus fashion.
He who must not be named — we’ll call him Baydemort — is also far too accomplished and experienced to have any excuses. The first film in the franchise, 2007’s “Transformers,” was quite entertaining. This most recent mess just boils down to filmmaking laziness.
Those who strap in for this ride will enjoy horrible humor that misses the mark, some cheesy special effects (despite a massive budget), aggravatingly bad dialogue and a stupid, often motionless plot.
One scene near the beginning includes uninteresting and stupidly exaggerated (sometimes racially stereotyped) Transformer characters hanging around and joking in a junkyard, with Mark Wahlberg reacting to them, much like a bad “Abbot and Costello” bit with CGI robots. This pretty much captures the spirit and character of the entire film, along with massive explosions, confusing action and a battle in the Dark Ages that is completely unnecessary (but swords are cool and stuff).
The conclusion is an orgy of large bots, action, death and apocalyptic stuff. But, that seems to happen every other Thursday in this universe.
For those of you who enjoy these movies, you’ll probably have one spinoff or another to enjoy after this film. But for the rest of us: we hope that this film lives up to its title, and sheepishly declares itself “The Last.”
Nothing was fun in this movie. Nothing was funny in this movie. Zero Cages. Good riddance.
Cage O’ Meter: *crickets*