‘The Room’: the ‘Citizen Kane’ of bad movies

image“The Room” has the worst dialogue, worst acting, worst writing, worst cinematography, worst costumes, worst set pieces, worst story and worst props possibly ever seen on the silver screen.

And yet, the experience is unlike anything else you will ever know in this realm.

That is perhaps because “The Room” (2003) runs much like a movie shot by aliens in people suits trying to reenact human history based on stone carvings and thrift store clothes found centuries ago.

Not to mention that despite the fact that the movie is only 16 years old, it looks like a pornographic version of “Full House.”

We try to give a brief description of the plot in these little write-ups, but all we know is that there is there is infidelity, tuxedo football and a lot of mind-numbing conversation.

And then, there’s Tommy.

You remember that college friend of yours who was majoring in film and fancied them-self a real hot-shot behind the camera? Well, now imagine their drunk roommate from Poland getting a hold of the camera, acting in the lead role and proceeding to make one most horribly inept pieces of film.

“The Room” was the directorial debut from Tommy Wiseau and is now considered a cult-classic, although not in the same way that critically acclaimed films like “The Big Lebowski” and “A Clockwork Orange.” No, this movie is firmly in the “so bad it’s good” camp that we absolutely love.

Wiseau is perhaps the worst actor ever. Really. We can think of noone worse, and this includes all of our co-workers who think they can do awesome Stallone impressions. But this is the major saving grace, as Wiseau really has to be seen to believe. His Grima Wormtongue meets Glenn Danzig appearance, his accent, his regular butchering of the English language, his awkward laugh, his Frankensteinish skin and above all, his completely non-committal, seemingly drunken performance is so highly entertaining that I desperately want to own this movie.

And of course, there are other hilarious things about this film, not to mention the FOUR gratuitous sex scenes with the worst royalty-free Skinimax music imaginable playing (seriously, makes one long for the comparatively tasteful sex scene in “Lethal Weapon 5”).

This film is also drenched in awkward and confusing situations, lines and motives. A character mentions that she has cancer. It is never mentioned again. Characters’ moods vary from scene to scene without explanation. A character is almost thrown off the roof of an apartment building, but then the aggressor apologizes and they are instantly friends again.

How would a 10-year-old write a film about infidelity? Probably like this. Even the sex scenes were off (unless they were into belly button stuff).

It is impossible to get into all of the subtleties (and not so subtleties) of this film, so the best I can say is, WATCH IT. Each viewing will bring a new gold mine of laughs. Movies like this are why we do this blog.

We want to start a podcast soon, and films of this quality are the reason why. We want to dig into the many levels of horrible greatness this film has to offer.

This treasure earns the ever-elusive 5 Cages! Congrats Tommy Wiseau, you’ve truly earned it with your hilarious shitty film!

Main Authors: Brandon Semler and Jared Kirk

Where to watch: Cool Theaters, DVD, Good Luck

Cage O’Meter:

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